theredheadsaid

I’ve been devouring this great ebook from this guy I found on Twitter called Scott Ginsberg. His thing is that he ALWAYS wears a nametag. I haven’t read enough on his website to find out where that came from, but he has written a killer of a book. It’s got 159 pages of stuff for you to analyze, think about, challenge yourself with. And it’s all FREE RIGHT HERE. Today, I’m thinking about Probe your darkness.

A friend asked me before I went to see Inception, “Why are you so excited to see this movie?”

My answer: it looks like a mind fuck.

A “mind fuck” movie is one that treats the audience as intelligent, and creates puzzles that we can either solve, or are slowly solved as the movie goes on. But there is no pandering, no overexplaining of plot. In a really good mind fuck movie, the movie contains enough ambiguity that the plot can be imagined a number of different ways. So when you leave the theater, you’re still chewing on it.  I love having a “what the fuck happened?” moment. Much like the Ben moments on Lost.

Inception turned out to be all that. After I saw the movie, I immediately called up a few friends to compare theories, and after that dove onto the Internet to see what other people thought. At first, the comments were just OH MY GOD. But then, the theories started emerging. Let’s go over some of them!

WARNING SUPER SPOILERS APPROACHING!!! TURN AWAY IF YOU HAVEN”T SEEN THE MOVIE!!

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I’m not the type to write inspirational posts, but here’s my first one, so be gentle.

It was a few weeks ago that I read the post from Havi Brooks, called Exit the Middle.

She relates the middle to yoga practice, and the gist is this: in yoga (and life) there are beginners, those in the middle, and advanced. If you’re a beginner, everything is new, and still a challenge. Those advanced know what is going on, and how to create challenges for themselves, and also when to rest. More on the middle:

It’s the people who want you to challenge them instead of finding new ways to challenge themselves. Or it’s the people who want you to tone it down, instead of giving themselves permission to do less.

In business, the middle is filled with people looking outward to find out what more biggified people do, instead of inward to find out what is theirs.

Instead of innovating and making (or playing with what’s there in order to make it your own), the middle copies what already exists.

In the middle is all this wanting to be there already. It is not fun, being in the middle.

The tragic irony: no one is keeping you there.

Most people think the middle is where you are until you get good. No. The middle is where you stay until you decide to be conscious.

Staying in the middle means being cut off from your sovereignty.

In the middle, you need other people to show you what to do. You’re constantly waiting for other people to deliver. And constantly disappointed when what they give you doesn’t live up to your expectations.

Once you step out of the middle, you get to make conscious decisions about what appeals to you and what you’re willing to try.

But the tragedy of the middle is that there is nothing keeping anyone there.

Reading that really hit me.

I’m in the middle. I’ve been in the middle for YEARS.

I’m the person always trying new things, going places. I’ve now lived on both coasts and  few places in the middle. I’ve changed jobs numerous times, dated lots of people, and done zillions of hobbies. I thought it was because of the challenge, and partly, it is.

I’m in the thrill of beginner mind, where everything is a challenge. But as soon as I thought I had gotten a handle on whatever I was doing, i lost interest, and moved on to the next shiny thing.
But i think maybe I was afraid of the middle.

Afraid of making challenges for myself. Of really not knowing how.

I had been chewing this concept over for about a week, when I found myself running a 4 mile race in Central Park with a friend. I’ve been running for years, and it helped me lose 90 lbs, and I’d run a few 5K races. But I’d never really taken it seriously.

And during this race, i was doing the usual. I ran at a lackadaisical pace a bit, backed off. Walked a bit. Peed, got water. Ran at my friend’s pace. Basically, i wasn’t taking it seriously.

Then something happened at mile 2. I thought of that article. And decided I was tired of living in the middle. Of waiting for someone or something to challenge me.

I was going to do it NOW. HERE.

So I picked up the pace. It felt ok. I felt a momentarily guilt for “leaving” my friend, but I knew she was fighting to leave her own middle, and she would support me leaving mine.

I kept running at that pace. It felt GOOD. I was running at a pace faster than I thought I actually could. This worked until mile 3. I hadn’t run more than 3 miles for a few years. My little voice spoke up, “ok, you can stop now. Just walk a little! Nobody cares if you finish or not, it’s just a 4 mile.”

I told the little voice to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

I kept running. I decided then and there that even if I had to tiny jog, i was going to run until the very end. It felt good to make that decision. But I still had to keep my word to myself. And I haven’t been very good at doing that.

I heard Jillian Michael’s voice in my head:

“THIS DOESN’T COME FOR FREE. YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT.”

I kept fighting for it. I didn’t even know how far the course end was. I kept running. And this was the amazing part: I think I ran faster that last mile than I’d done the whole race. I just kept going.

In my head I thought:

IF I CAN DO THIS, I CAN GET ANY JOB I WANT.

IF I CAN DO THIS, I CAN HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP.

IF I CAN DO THIS, I CAN DO ANYTHING.

It HURT towards the end. but I was finally KEEPING A COMMITMENT TO MYSELF!

I finally rounded the corner of the race on 72nd street. My little lazy voice was still in there, but it was literally shocked into submission.

I was GOING TO DO IT and there wasn’t a damn thing it could say.

There was cheering! Those lovely people at the race who are strangers but they cheer you anyway!

I was pumping my fists over my head in a ridiculous way but I didn’t care!

I passed the finish line at 52:04 for four miles (minus 5 minutes for a pee break!)

I thought I was going to pass out, but I got my two glasses of gatorade, and pretzels, and made my way over to a bench.

and promptly started to cry.

I was SO DAMN PROUD of myself.

It was just a race, but it was literally the first time in my life that i FOUGHT for something so hard. That I pushed myself into doing more than I thought I could do. I was so happy but at the same time sad that I’m 42 years old and this is the first time I’ve done that.

But, as they say, it’s only too late if you don’t start now.

These cookies were a big hit when I sold them at the Greenpoint Food Market this spring. I can’t take credit for the recipe though, it was given to me by my friend Meg many years ago (though I changed the name)!

Chocolate Kick Cookies

1/2 cup currants
2 T Kahlua
2 oz. unsweetened chocolate
4 oz. bittersweet chocolate
3T butter
7T flour
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
pinch cayenne pepper
2 eggs, room temperature
3/4 cup sugar
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350.
Combine currants and Kahlua in saucepan; warm over low heat (I just put them in microwave for 30 sec).
Combine the unsweetened and bittersweet chocolates and the butter in a saucepan and melt over low heat, stirring frequently. Set aside to cool.

Combine the flour, baking powder, salt cinnamon, cracked pepper, and cayenne in a small bowl; stir to blend.

Beat the eggs and sugar until page and thick, about 5 minutes. Add the vanilla and melted chocolate; stir to combine.

Fold in the flour mixture. Gently stir in the currants, any remaining Kahlua and the chocolate chips (the dough will be loose). Drop by spoonfuls onto the lined cookie sheets.
Bake 8-10 minutes, until the tops are shiny and the cookies slightly puffy. Let cool 5 minutes before before transferring to racks to cool completely.

Yields about 18 cookies.

I like to be surprised, so I like to let some time pass in between my Brooklyn Flea visits, so vendors can rotate and I can be delighted by new things. Today my Brooklyn Flea companions were my Twitter friends (converted to IRL today, whee!) Betsy (@btreinen) and Christine (@christinetaffe). First stop is always food at the Flea, and today had some new and exciting vendors. First, I introduced Betsy to the Asiadog. I got a Porkball sandwich from Porchetta (they didn’t have potatoes and crispy ends but they let me squeeze the pig and I felt better!) I squeed when I saw the Manchego Crispy Fritters from Good Fork. I’d always had Manchego in cold form, with say, a good crisp apple. But I needn’t have worried. They served it up hot and fresh from the fryer, with a sweet/sour sauce on top.

Betsy was enamoured with People’s Pops shaved ice, today in Deep Plum and Sour Cherry. Both were heavenly.

You can’t handle the cute!

Ok i love the food but the real reason I go is to see what’s new in craftland, or treats. Today I met Susannah of sktceramics. A yellow porcelain bee cup caught my attention. Susannah draws/paints, throws and fires everything. The drawings are so delicate, and she told me they each have a story, from the otter and bees that came from commissions, to the little penguin she says has a backstory of coming from the midwest (just like me!) and she actually has a series of paintings about it (which I am dying to see!)  She even makes a musk ox cute. Here is the adorable necklace I bought.

Yeah, I dig cute things. Piss off.

I almost got this one (the penguin with the Brooklyn Bridge in the background), but I liked the round one better.

She told me she used to do flies. *nose cringe* Why is it that bees (which are also insects) can be made “cute,” but flies are still disgusting? bleah.

Piggy Banks

Foundation4.com drew us in with some zipper flower pins, lovely paper leaf chandeliers, and this adorable pleather piggy bank. But how do you get the money out? Open up the butt!

Twig Terrariums

On my way out I spotted Twig Terrariums, little scenes assembled inside various glass containers. I asked the ladies if owning one required any semblance of a green thumb (I joke that the only reason my cat is alive is that she meows to remind me to feed her) and they said just “mist it and keep it out of direct sunlight”!

and now, a few random photos.

THe cute paper bag I got an item in

I wish I’d bought this friendly bunny doorstop.

and officially I’m grossed out by hairy wrestler guy but how funny would he be on my desk? and what’s up withe the green tongue?

I remember watching Sex and the City before I lived in NYC and they would joke how “you’d better go to this restaurant before the Times writes it up and ruins it.” I had no idea how literally that is true. (more…)

I remember as a 15 year old girl seeing this video on MTV in 1983, not even really knowing who Neil Young was, and thinking, “wow he looks like a nice fellow.” And loving this song. Still love it today.

If you want to have some fun, go to YouTube and search for “trailer” and “recut.”
It’s pretty easy to recut any darn movie as a “romantic comedy.” All you have to do is add some swelling music, and longing looks.

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Humans have a thirst for something. They seek that water everywhere. Always looking for a hose with a never ending supply of water to quench our thirst. The truth is, there is, and never was that hose. Nor will it ever be there. When we find a good connection, what happens? Our thirst is quenched after a while and we seek another hose that will give us the water we need. Nothing ever stays static. Life is a constant flow of change. Changing emotions, changing physical structures. Changing shapes. Changing history, the list is endless.

Suffering occurs when we try to manipulate that change to suit us. When we desire things not to change. When we desire, period. Of course, life is never going to bend to us. Things happen that are beyond our self centred needs. It may well be worth trying to become more universally centred and not so self centred. Not you, I mean everybody.To become the flow. When we are going through whatever it is we are going through we temporarily become the centre of the universe in our own deluded minds. Yet life just is.

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