theredheadsaid

If you want to have some fun, go to YouTube and search for “trailer” and “recut.”
It’s pretty easy to recut any darn movie as a “romantic comedy.” All you have to do is add some swelling music, and longing looks.

(more…)

Sex and the City 2: even a $10 million clothing budget can’t save you from boring dialogue and ridiculous plot.

For the record, I didn’t need another Sex and the City movie. Hell, I didn’t need the first one.

I was completely satisfied at how the SATC series ended. While in some ways the characters were in fact caricatures of certain archetypes, the end of the series found them more fully fleshed out as people. Charlotte found happiness with hairy, uncouth but steadfast Harry and got her baby; Miranda accepted family life in Brooklyn, Samantha beat cancer, became human and let herself love Smith, and Carrie became okay with being single and then magically, Big decided she was “The One.”  (We’ll leave out the part about how Michael Patrick King became obsessed with Carrie close-ups toward the end). Which is why I thought SATC: The Movie was completely superfluous: the Big wedding drama, Steve’s cheating, Samantha back to being a whore, Charlotte’s pregnancy. Ok, there was some satisfaction in seeing Charlotte’s pure hatred at Big when he wussed out at the wedding.

SATC 2 continues this “making up trouble” tradition.

SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

The girls look awful, their clothes are terrible, the plot is unrealistic (Miranda has a chauvinist boss and she doesn’t give him a mouthful? A free trip for four to luxury Abu Dhabi resort on a Sheik’s dime?), and all the things you loved about Sex and the City the series, like the great friendships between the girls, the awkward yet realistic dating situations, and the snappy, witty dialogue you’d come to know and love – all gone. Along with Big’s cute eyebrow flicks – but you can only blame that on some bad plastic surgery!  The rest, I think we can safely blame on the departure of the female writing staff. Michael Patrick King has been helming the last two films alone, and it shows. Oh, and I think the girls took the lighting and makeup staff along with them when they left because DAAYUM the girls are looking heinous. In the immortal words of my friend Eric Jesus Grimm, “Sarah Jessica Parker is looking like a genetically-engineered cross between Veronica Lake and the Crypt Keeper.”

If you’ve come expecting anything in the order of plot, character development or gorgeous clothes – in other words – anything more than a “romp;” you will be sorely disappointed. I hate to use this comparison – but it’s kind of like going to the wake of a relative who’d died, and they look so utterly unlike themselves post mortem, that you wished you’d never gone.

For a full, detailed, and spoiler-ridden review, keep reading after the jump…

(more…)

If they sold cards for Law & Order plots, they’d look something like this (with better drawings, of course). p.s. I drew these with my very own pen!

Yah it might be fake, but so what it’s hilarious – courtesy of my stepmom’s email.

Children’s Science Exam

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children’s science exam answers….

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?   A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (i.e. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A: Nearby.   

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarian Section”.
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.  

Q: What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

I wish I’d come up with Baby Wants Candy as a band name for my yodeling metal band, but a hilarious musical improv troupe got it instead! Baby Wants Candy is a traveling improv troupe that comes up with a completely formed musical on the spot, all themed around the first suggestion they hear shouted from the audience.

When my fabulous friend Jaki took me last Saturday, the theme was CSI: The North Pole.

The two standout performers were Eliza Skinner and this giant blonde guy with crazy psycho eyebrows and I’d love to tell you his name but I can’t find his pic on the website.

Just like any improv, when it’s good, it’s really really good; and when it’s bad, you Tweet your friends to tell them how bad it is.

There are only two more shows in New York (Dec 5 and 12th), and they will be holiday themed – previous audience-suggested titles have included “40 Year Old Virgin Mary”, “It’s Not Christmas Without a Beating” and “I’m the Only Gentile at Hanukkah.”

Hurry over and buy tickets!

Here are some pix from the MOCCA (Museum of Comics and Comic Art) Festival I attended yesterday! Post coming soon!

[flickrset id="72157619364808813" thumbnail="square" overlay="true" size="medium"]

So I’m intrigued by the book, “Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure.”

I noodled around with a few but I think this sums it up the best:

*life improved after realizing everyone’s dysfunctional

So I’m walking home from my afternoon run in the East Village, when I see this black dude taking a leak against a tree, right on the sidewalk ahead of me. he’s having a chat with his friend, and appears not only sober but not at all crazy. I kind of shake my head as I walk by, and his friend calls me “cracker” but then the peeing dude says, “NO BUTT.”

If a black dude thinks i have no butt, then my butt must be smaller than I thought it was, woo hoo!!